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Madelyn loved growing tomatoes, but couldn’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll she came upon a gentlemen neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.
She asked the gentlemen, “What do you do to get your tomatoes red?” He responded, “Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.”
Madelyn was so intrigued by the idea that she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomatoes to see if it would work. So, twice a day for two weeks she stood naked in her garden hoping for the best. One day the gentlemen passed by and asked the woman, “How did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?” “No!” she replied, “but my cucumbers are enormous!”
One Wish a Day for Three Days
Photo courtesy of FileFap.com
A tribe of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, “You are going to die. But we feel sorry for you, so we will give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of the third day, you die. What is your first wish?” The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse.” The Indians get his horse.
The cowboy grabs the horse’s ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the åss. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians look at each other, figuring, “Typical white man — can only think of one thing.”
The second day, the chief says, “What is your wish today?” The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse again.” The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse’s ear, then slaps it on the åss. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked brunette. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, “Typical white man — going to die and can only think of one thing.”
The third day comes, and the chief says, “This is your last wish, white man. What you want?” The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse again.” The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, “Read my lips! POSSE, dåmn it! P-O-S-S-E!”
Author’s Note
On a side note, finding a cucumber was hard enough, but do you know how frustratingly difficult it was to find a nice, wholesome, artistic picture of a nude lady riding a horse on the Internet? There are FAR too many frightening images of horribly perverted women doing really disgusting things to animals out there. Where on Earth do they find these freaks of nature, and what possesses them to generate photographic evidence of their sickening actions, let alone put them online?! Yuck!
UPDATE: At least in 2012, the right kind of wholesome “Lady Godiva” style of pictures of naked girls riding horses are much easier to find, if you know where to look.
And do YOU know how frustratingly difficult it is to read a blog at work when it pops up with pictures of a nude lady riding a horse, even nice, wholesome ones? I must say I am shocked, shocked! to hear you’ve been searching the web for pictures of nekkid wimmin.
That’s why you sit FACING the door of your office! That way, no one can see anything while you’re playing Empire Earth at work! And, of course I had to search the Internet for nekkidness; what are the odds of me with my camera out and ready to find a naked woman riding a horse in my backyard? Slim, methinks! – RDL
I would, if the desk went that way. Alas, the configuration doesn’t allow for it. As for the woman riding a horse in your back yard, I could arrange that.
OK, I’ll take Angelina Jolie, Keira Knightley, Cameron Diaz, Nicole Kidman, Christina Ricci, Jennifer Garner, or Salma Hayek. You choose. – RDL
Isn’t it strange that people are more offended by nudity than modern music. At least one can choose not to look at something that bothers them, but when music is offensive no one can, or will, do anything about except endure it. People also will sit in a movie and watch people being blown to bits, but if a breast appears they’re headed out with the kids. It is no wonder our society is so screwed up — we twisted the values of horror and beauty, hate and affection, and even our words don’t mean what they did originally. Put that in your pipe.